• Your first option is to have an informal, undocumented agreement however good relations can sometimes take an unexpected turn.
• When you agree about a parenting arrangement it is a good idea to write it all down to make sure you are both clear about exactly what you have agreed including all the details such as dates, times and places that things should happen.
• If you have agreed about most issues but are still arguing about a few issues you should try counselling or mediation to assist you to reach an agreement. If you have not already it is a good idea to write down all the things you can agree about and those you cannot before the first session.
• To formalise the agreement you can draft a parenting plan or better still instruct us to draft consent orders and apply for them to be approved by the court. Consent orders setting out parenting arrangements are stronger than a parenting plan as they can be enforced if there is a breach. However a parenting plan will still be taken into account if you end up in court and a parenting plan can be more flexible because you can change it by agreement between you. It can be difficult to get consent orders changed because you have to ask the court to make new orders if your ex will not agree to changing them when things change as the children grow older.

• You can draft your own parenting plan without the help of a lawyer. 
• The important thing is that you both understand what your responsibilities are and what it is that you are agreeing to. You need to enter the agreement freely. 
• If you have any doubts it is a good idea to get some legal advice from us.

• We can assist you in negotiating an agreement with your ex.
• There is a requirement that parents engage in Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) before their matter is filed in court. This is a specific form of mediation with specially trained mediators (FDRPs). Parties are encouraged to work with counsellors, support services and mediators to try to resolve their issues and make their own decisions.
• Unless there are special circumstances such as family violence or an urgent application due to relocation issues you may not be permitted to file an application at court without obtaining a certificate proving your willingness to attend FDR.

• Mediation is only required if you cannot agree on arrangements for the children.
• You should write down, date and sign the terms and arrangements you have agreed on. These terms are often referred to as a ‘parenting plan’. A parenting plan cannot be enforced by the court or police however it may be taken into account if issues are later brought before the court.
• A parenting plan usually details:

1. which parent the children live with;
2. what time the children spend with the other parent; and 
3. other matters such as arrangements for sharing special occasions and changeover when the children move from one parent to the other. 
4. You may apply to the court for the arrangements you have agreed on to be made orders by consent without either party needing to attend court. You will have a better chance of obtaining your orders quickly and without problems if you engage us to draft the orders you wish the court to make.

• No. You do not need to go to court if you both agree on consent orders.
• You can instruct us to prepare the application and orders for you. The orders need to be in a particular form and are not easily drafted by a non-lawyer. 

• No. Your case will not go straight to court unless there is an urgent matter that needs to be decided. 
• There is a requirement that families engage in Family Dispute Resolution before a claim can be filed at court. You are encouraged to work with counsellors, support services and mediators to try to resolve your issues and make your own decisions about your future. 
• The court usually requires a certificate from a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner as proof that you have engaged in this process. You need this before you can file a claim at court. 

• If your case ends up in court it is because you and your ex-partner cannot agree about parenting arrangements. At the end of the interim or final hearing the court can make parenting orders for your children.
• Before the court makes decisions about the parenting orders it will listen to the evidence. Both you and your ex-partner will give evidence and so may an independent Family Consultant. Other people may also need to give evidence relevant to your case.
• When making decisions the court’s primary concern is the best interests of the children. 
• The children’s best interest is defined in the legislation (written law). Many things need to be considered but the primary ones are that a child has a right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents and a child has a right to be safe and nurtured.
• A child’s safety is a threshold factor. If the court is not very confident the child will be safe if it makes a particular order, the court will refrain from making that order.

• You will be able to tell the Federal Circuit Court or Family Court judge your side of the story through your lawyer, in your affidavit (sworn statement), in the witness box and in your submissions if you are self-represented.
• The court will only want to hear evidence that is relevant to the issues in dispute.
• Each case is different. You may need to provide private information about your family’s financial circumstances and about your children.
• Keep a diary and write down all the things you think are important including the date of separation and the events leading up to it. 
• This will help you to provide us with the information we need to best represent you. We will be able to advise you on the information that the Federal Circuit Court or Family Court judge will want to know when making a decision.

• A large majority of family law cases are resolved by negotiation or mediation before the final hearing. 
• Currently there is a long backlog and non-urgent cases can take two or even more years for a final hearing to take place and then it can take another one month to twelve months for a judge to hand down his or her orders and reasons.
• Parenting cases can be very emotionally draining and expensive, particularly if both parents argue about every point. 

• When the Child Support Agency calculates your child support it uses a special formula. 
• This formula takes into account the income of both parents, the cost of raising children, the number of children and the time the children spend in the care of each parent. 
• You can find more information about the formula here: http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/enablers/child-support/child-support-assessment/working-out-child-support-using-the-basic-formula.

• Both biological parents have a financial responsibility to support their children. Separating or divorcing makes no difference to that.
• You are required to provide your children with financial support even if they do not live with you.

• If you disagree with a child support assessment you can make an application for the decision to be reviewed by the Child Support Agency. You can do this in writing, by calling or by going into a Centrelink office. 
• If after the review you still do not agree with the decision then you can consult us about the options available to you.

• There is no requirement to apply to the Child Support Agency. Many people are able to agree about child support without involving the CSA. 
• Some people come to informal or verbal agreements. 
• Others may decide to formalise their agreement in writing so that if one parent does not comply then the other can enforce it. These are called child support agreements.
• These agreements can be approved by the Child Support Agency to make them enforceable.

• You can make an urgent application to the court for the recovery and return of your children or an injunction preventing your ex-partner from taking your children. 
• The court will consider the evidence and determine what is in the best interests of your children. 
• If this has happened or you are concerned it may happen then you should see us immediately to discuss your options.

• You need to get a valid passport for yourself and your children. Both parents need to sign passport application forms. 
• You also need to have the written consent from the other parent for each trip overseas.

Question

My ex-partner is pressuring me into signing a parenting plan that she has prepared. I do not agree with a lot of the terms. What can I do?

Answer

• A valid agreement can only be entered into freely, not under pressure. An ex-partner cannot force you to sign anything you do not agree to.
• Making parenting arrangements are big decisions and coming to an agreement will require some give and take. We can assist you to negotiate an outcome closer to the arrangements you consider to be best. 
• We can provide you with legal advice so you fully understand your rights and responsibilities. We can also assist you with the negotiation process.

Question

My ex-partner and I reached an agreement at mediation and we had our agreement made into consent orders. My children were supposed to stay with me on the weekends from Friday night until Sunday night but now she keeps making excuses about parties and sporting events they need to go to on Saturday morning so I never get to see them on Friday night. 

Answer

• It is a serious matter to breach a court order and a court can impose sanctions for doing so.
• Yes. You can take the matter to court if there is a breach by making a contravention application. The court will take a range of factors into account before deciding what to do.
• We can provide you with advice about your case and the likely outcome. 
• You can also talk to your ex-partner and calmly point out that you have a formal agreement in place that you both need to observe fully.
• The children also have a right to attend their friends’ parties and sporting events. If those events are on when the children should be spending time with you, a court will require that you are reasonable about this and are willing to take them there and pick them up where it is reasonable for you to do so.

Question

We have passed our intake assessment and been notified that our Family Dispute Resolution sessions start next week. I am a bit nervous as I have never done anything like this before. Is there anything I need to take with me?

Answer

• It is a good idea to write down a list including: 

1. things you can agree on and those you cannot;
2. any questions you want to ask your ex-partner; and
3. the needs of each of your children.

• Try think about some of the things that your ex-partner may be concerned about and consider how you might respond. 
• Prepare yourself to make compromises. Think about which issues are most important to you and which you do not want to budge on but also think about which issues your ex-partner might put on that list.
• Mediation is about achieving a result that both parents can live with. It works best where each party realises that they are not going to get everything they want but they can get some of the things they want. If you are clear about what is most important to you then you may find it easier to compromise on issues that are not as important to you but which mean a lot to your ex-partner.
• It is a good idea to prepare an opening statement. Try to be objective and not to use negative words. Write down the issues and concerns that are most important to you and what brings you to the mediation.
• We can assist you throughout the mediation process by providing information and advice on how best to reach a resolution that satisfies your most important concerns.

Question

I am happy to go to family dispute resolution but I am scared of my ex-partner and do not want to sit in the same room. Do I have to?

Answer

• You should discuss your concerns with us as your lawyer and your mediator. 
• To satisfy the court you will need to go to a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner (FDRP) who can issue the relevant certificate to the court to prove that you participated in this process. FDRPs are professionals who have been specially trained to manage situations like yours.
• They should make sure you know that you can have a support person with you and a lawyer to advise you if that is what you want.
• You can have a ‘shuttle’ style mediation where the mediator will speak to you both separately and carry your messages to your ex-partner and vice versa. You will not have to be in the same room as your ex-partner at any time.

Question

I have just split up with my partner. I want to stay in our house with the children but he wants us to move out. Who decides?

Answer

• You should seek legal advice from us. You may be able to seek an order that you and the children may occupy the home at least until there is a financial settlement.
• In some cases people remain in the same house “living under the same roof” even after they are separated. They have separate rooms and separate finances but they are both available for their children as before.
• This arrangement can work for some people, often for the short term, however it should not be attempted if there is family violence.
• When making decisions try to be guided by what will best meet your children’s needs and seek extra support to help you.

Question

My husband and I have always been very close to our grandchildren and they are an important part of our lives. Now that my son has split up with his wife we never get to see them anymore. I understand that my son just wants to be with his kids when it is his turn to have them but what about us? Can we have time with them too?

Answer

• Yes. The best interests of the child definition in the Family Law Act says that children have a right to have a continuing meaningful relationship with significant people in their lives. This includes grandparents.
• You should start by talking to your son or to the children’s mother and asking if you can arrange a regular visit. 
• If you are having trouble talking about this with them you can initiate a mediation with a Family Dispute Resolution practitioner and try to reach an agreement that way.
• If you are still unable to spend time with your grandchildren you may need to go to court.
• You must be able to show the court that you have a genuine interest in the children. In some cases grandparents will be joined as a party to the parents’ case and they can put evidence before the court and achieve specific orders.

Question

The court has ordered my ex-wife to bring my children to a meeting with a Family Consultant. I understand that she and I will need to talk to this consultant too. We have tried mediation and that went nowhere. I am really busy and this court case is taking up too much of my time already. Do I really need to go to this appointment?

Answer

• Yes. You have to attend visits with a Family Consultant if you are ordered to do so.
• Talk to us as your lawyer about your concerns well before the appointment.
• If you do not speak with the Family Consultant then they will not be able to get a full picture of all the issues and will not get any understanding about you and your side of the story. This means they will not be able to make any substantial recommendations about you in their report. 
• Without this information it may be more difficult for a judge to make the orders that you want for spending time with your children.

Question

The judge took my ex-partner’s side and gave her everything she asked for. I think this is really unfair. I just want to spend time with my kids. Can I challenge the decision?

Answer

• If you do not agree with the final parenting orders then you may be able to appeal the decision of the judge.
• We can advise you about this process and the strength of your case. It is important you speak with us about it as soon as possible after judgment is given.

Question

So far my ex-partner and I have been able to agree about our parenting arrangements and we have had pretty good communication with a few rough patches. My boss just told me there might be a chance for me to get a promotion if I am willing to move interstate when the company opens a new branch in a year or two. I don’t want to upset my ex by talking about it now if it is never going to happen but at the same time I don’t want to have to choose between a good career move and seeing my children.

Answer

• This is a reasonable concern. People’s circumstances change. You may get along well now but if a disagreement comes up in the future this could change. 
• If you are getting along well try to put something into your consent orders or parenting plan about relocation even if it is not an issue at this time. This means that if it comes up in the future there is already an agreement in place. 
• You should consider how much time your children are currently spending with you and how you could manage to spend that time with them if you were living interstate. This may mean that you arrange to take them for more time in the school holidays. You will need to make sure that you can take your own holidays at the same time. 
• If your ex is reluctant to agree you should explore with her what her concerns are. She might be concerned about the travel costs or want to have some holiday time with the children herself.

Question

I want what is best for my children but am not always sure what this means. I do not know how many nights my daughter should go to my ex-partner for. She is only 2 years old and is used to sleeping with me.

Answer

• Yes. Making parenting arrangements can be difficult. There will be big changes that will affect the children and it is understandable that you may want to get some professional guidance to help you. 
• There are specialist psychologists and social workers that can provide you and your ex-partner with guidance and assist you in making plans that will best meet your children’s needs. You can arrange this privately without any involvement from the court. 

Question

My parents live in England. They are getting very old and I want my children to meet them while they are still alive. I discussed this many times with my ex-partner before we separated and she always thought it was a good idea but we could not afford it. I have been saving up for this purpose ever since our separation. Now I am finally ready to go but she is refusing to sign their passports.

Answer

• You should first try mediation with a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner to resolve this issue. Mediation can be useful at any time after separation even if most of your parenting arrangements are in place and you just need to negotiate about a single issue.
• If this does not work then you can apply to the Australian Passports Office under their ‘special circumstances’ provision and ask them to issue the passport without the consent of the other parent. You will need to talk to them about what documents you will need to support your application. 
• You can also apply to the court. We can assist you with this.